Today my brain betrayed me once more. Today, my body did what it was not suppose to do once again. While I try and be the person everyone expects me to be, my brain was screaming at me saying NO NO! You are not like this show them the real you.

Sadly, I lacked the courage to do so.. and along I went with what was expected. A smile a comment about my kids, compliments on my hardworking partner, a conversation about how I am to be here for everyone else. Whilst all this was happening, my brain was hurting, my heart was racing and I had to force out smiles. Why? Because even though times have changed, and more and more people accept others even if some still dont, I still feel like I’m living someone else’s life.

Inside of me, lives this suppressed version of myself … this version is fun, accepting does not recognise borders, nationalities, colours or genders. This version only sees human people, with feelings and dreams, it sees pain and wants to stop it, it sees rage and wants to calm it, it sees war and wants peace. It is my true self, a self hard to explain to others.. why? Because this version does not have names, gender, race or classes, this version is just there.

Try and understand, that explaining to someone who you shared half of your life with, that you see yourself as just there .. NO LABELS is almost impossible. It leads to questions, questions I do not have answers for, questions that in my mind do not need answers because if we all accepted who we truly are …. and what we truly want then we would not have doubts.

Today of all days I felt this more than ever, walking around town with family members who recognise people by labels, was hard. I respect everyone and not to cause arguments resigned myself to just nod along. This then left me feeling guilty, why should I conform to societies norms? Why cant I just be ME … why isnt just being ok?

Conformity happens in all shapes and forms, it might be that we conform to what our friends are drinking, or what they are listening because we have different tastes… it starts small and then all of the sudden you realise shit, I’m just going along with everyone else.. just another carbon copy of society. I want to be different, I want to reduce the times I conform and be able to openly say actually I’m not into that type of music.. I want to be my own being …. it is going to be hard since its engraved in all of us to just follow the ‘leader’ but with perseverance I’m sure I can do it.. and i will ask you guys to have a look around you and join me in creating a more honest and truthful self.

Much love

Spirited Patty

So i was So i was going to wait until later, but decided to write something now….😁 knowing full well that after food later I will turn into a couch potatoe and watch crap TV.

I have never dreamt of being famous, I have always been conscious that I lack the looks, the talent (singing, acting, dancing etc) and probably the connections for it. But I have always been drawned to famous people not because of what they do, or what they earn but rather due to curiosity.

How can they manage with thousands of people loving them? Screaming for them etc? I mean I barely survive my two kids screaming “MUM” or boyfriend asking “have you seen my card?” I definitely need therapy if it happens more than once a day..and by therapy I mean alcohol 😁😋

So how do they do it?

I know … most people dont wonder about these things, but this weekend while attending a con, I saw how the fans got with guests, there was tears, screams and awhole lot more but you know what?

The guests always had a smile and hug to give, no matter how many hours how many sweaty screaming people they interacted with. This is true talent.

By the way I was totally one of the sweaty screaming crazy fans. I did not cry, but as soon as Iain de Caestecker looked at me … I basically melted on the inside and I’m pretty sure I must have drooled a little. Hey but he kept his cool how? Please this is seriously important information as I need to learn how to be cool in situations like these.

I have also during the weekend discovered what a girl crush was.. I had never understood it until Brianna Venskus was announced on stage, now that’s what I call an amazing character, so giving so funny so put together, my money was well spent for sure on this con.

The weekend came and went, and memories were made, but amazingly one of the best things was the friendships made with other attendees. Jesus did I meet a lot of people, some I dont even remember their names, but will certainly remember their faces. Others made a bigger impact on me and are now in constant contact with me. We don’t necessarily need to share love for the same shows or comics, we simply need to share love for life itself.

Nowadays, it seems that people lack the understanding of others, it seems it is more important to make yourself look bigger rather than helping others. I had lost faith in humanity a long time ago, but this con has given me hope for a better inclusive society, for this I am forever grateful.

Much love

Spirited patty

Thanks for joining me!

Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton